5.21.2009

Restraining Orders

How hard is it to get one of them things? Does it take hours, days, weeks, or months? I just need one, for one person, of whom I wish to be rid of. I'll google it. More on this later.

5.05.2009

One thing I know I will greatly miss...

...finding beautiful* music all by myself.






*in this sense is a word I use to describe things that make my soul feel like pure sunshine has been poured into it. Like when you fill a glass of orange juice right to the brim, not yet overflowing but flirting with the option of it.

Also-this one is lovely. More silly than lovely. If I could make such silly banter with a video...

5.04.2009

Ahhhh...the return.

Coming home always feels happy. It is comfort. It's like I don't have to fake it anymore. Not that I'm not real with my homies at school, I'm real. I just don't show all my real-ness all at once. Of sense that does not make. But for all you lovers of your home field, you know what I mean. There is a definite advantage in this place.

We went to a country of the Mexican sorts last week and that was ma-rockin'! (yes, i am hilarious and full of puns) In Israel there were a lot of moments where I gaped in awe at the world I was surrounded by. There were also a lot of moments where my thoughts were in an endless race and they just couldn't wait to come one after the other reeling around the corners of my various brain lobes. I couldn't think fast enough, they were just going and going. Much of our Mexican excursion was like that.


The first day we didn't really do much. Drove to our humble residence for the next week and got settled in. As I've gotten older and grown in wisdom, sunbathing has become less appealing to me and it has become harder for me to find its draw. Nonetheless it is what it is and we laid in the sun for more than a fair amount of time throughout the week.

Midweek we drove down the coast to a gorgeous beach by the name of Xpu-ha. It was a beautiful day and we snorkeled, ate lunch and lounged around. Even though my thoughts were racing back and forth, to and fro, up and down, and any other direction you could imagine(much like Willy Wonka's Great Glass Elevator), there was a calm. Knowing I could be carefree for just a little while longer. Then the part of me that hungers for the thrill of busy-ness wishes that everything was all higgledy-piggledy around me. Usually I'm pretty good at creating a hectic and chaotic atmosphere. Hmph. I'll just make my mind go crazy and then things will feel busy, but to the ocean, the sand, and the umbrella propped perfectly to shade my sunburned self, I'm as calm as a turtle* in a tank.

Soon I'll be able to understand the language I'm surrounded by. I'll be able to speak it. Knowfully. I might even be friends with people that speak this language. I'll be able to read books and signs and letters in this language. What if I can't? No. I can. I know I can. That is not a chance I fear. The fear lies in thinking I won't be able to deliver what I would like to in that language. I hope I get to come back here, or there(Argentina), rather. I hope I get to be friends with them. I hope they'll be able to understand me. I could go so many other places, travel to so many different countries and be able to get around speaking this language. I wonder where I'll go. I'd love to go to Spain. I bet Ash would go with me. We could go almost anywhere in South and Central America. Then we could go to Romania because I'm sure she would love to go back there. I'd love to see Romania. I'd love to see any foreign country. Ha, part of Argentina won't be so foreign to me in a couple years. Dang it, I'm so prideful. Or am I confident? Let's go with a bit of both. I should really work on that.



A couple days later we took the ferry over to Cozumel and my wonderful father had a brilliant idea: we will rent scooters--scooters--and cruuuuise down the coast of the island. Now, those who know my family members would normally not think this notion was hilarious. But the thought of us all doing it together, at the same time, in a big streaking white line, would make your abdomen muscles so rock hard you'd have to be careful not to break your other body parts on them(as Ash might say).

Scooting makes me feel like I can do whatever I want. Like I'm in charge. 'do whatever I want'. What? What do I want to do then? What is that whatever? I wanna go to Argentina. I wanna tell people how incredibly wonderful God is. I want to tell them that I believe Him, I know Him, and I can't wait to die. Man, I can't wait to die. I know though, I'm still trying to live in the day. But a girl can be excited, can't she? I can wait. But I'll be waiting excitedly.

It was a beautiful experience. To watch the ocean sneak up on the beach and then retreat. Sneaky little ocean. To feel the wind, the salt, the sand, and sunshine soak into my soul all at once was something of a sensitive experience. I felt every part of it and took it for more than I had bargained. I have failed words for the time being and so I leave you with a picture


*This reference was initially to Claire's turtle Max. But...recent events have made him seem not so calm to me anymore. You see I went to visit Steponme one day and we were sitting there and this weird noise was coming from across the couch near Max's tank. So I look over and low and behold there is Max. And what, you may ask, was he doing? Trying to commit suicide. He was standing on his rock trying to climb out of his tank or jump off the rock (with no success, I might add). Silly Max.

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