*in this sense is a word I use to describe things that make my soul feel like pure sunshine has been poured into it. Like when you fill a glass of orange juice right to the brim, not yet overflowing but flirting with the option of it.
Also-this one is lovely. More silly than lovely. If I could make such silly banter with a video...
We went to a country of the Mexican sorts last week and that was ma-rockin'! (yes, i am hilarious and full of puns) In Israel there were a lot of moments where I gaped in awe at the world I was surrounded by. There were also a lot of moments where my thoughts were in an endless race and they just couldn't wait to come one after the other reeling around the corners of my various brain lobes. I couldn't think fast enough, they were just going and going. Much of our Mexican excursion was like that.
The first day we didn't really do much. Drove to our humble residence for the next week and got settled in. As I've gotten older and grown in wisdom, sunbathing has become less appealing to me and it has become harder for me to find its draw. Nonetheless it is what it is and we laid in the sun for more than a fair amount of time throughout the week.
Midweek we drove down the coast to a gorgeous beach by the name of Xpu-ha. It was a beautiful day and we snorkeled, ate lunch and lounged around. Even though my thoughts were racing back and forth, to and fro, up and down, and any other direction you could imagine(much like Willy Wonka's Great Glass Elevator), there was a calm. Knowing I could be carefree for just a little while longer. Then the part of me that hungers for the thrill of busy-ness wishes that everything was all higgledy-piggledy around me. Usually I'm pretty good at creating a hectic and chaotic atmosphere. Hmph. I'll just make my mind go crazy and then things will feel busy, but to the ocean, the sand, and the umbrella propped perfectly to shade my sunburned self, I'm as calm as a turtle* in a tank.
Soon I'll be able to understand the language I'm surrounded by. I'll be able to speak it. Knowfully. I might even be friends with people that speak this language. I'll be able to read books and signs and letters in this language. What if I can't? No. I can. I know I can. That is not a chance I fear. The fear lies in thinking I won't be able to deliver what I would like to in that language. I hope I get to come back here, or there(Argentina), rather. I hope I get to be friends with them. I hope they'll be able to understand me. I could go so many other places, travel to so many different countries and be able to get around speaking this language. I wonder where I'll go. I'd love to go to Spain. I bet Ash would go with me. We could go almost anywhere in South and Central America. Then we could go to Romania because I'm sure she would love to go back there. I'd love to see Romania. I'd love to see any foreign country. Ha, part of Argentina won't be so foreign to me in a couple years. Dang it, I'm so prideful. Or am I confident? Let's go with a bit of both. I should really work on that.
A couple days later we took the ferry over to Cozumel and my wonderful father had a brilliant idea: we will rent scooters--scooters--and cruuuuise down the coast of the island. Now, those who know my family members would normally not think this notion was hilarious. But the thought of us all doing it together, at the same time, in a big streaking white line, would make your abdomen muscles so rock hard you'd have to be careful not to break your other body parts on them(as Ash might say).
Scooting makes me feel like I can do whatever I want. Like I'm in charge. 'do whatever I want'. What? What do I want to do then? What is that whatever? I wanna go to Argentina. I wanna tell people how incredibly wonderful God is. I want to tell them that I believe Him, I know Him, and I can't wait to die. Man, I can't wait to die. I know though, I'm still trying to live in the day. But a girl can be excited, can't she? I can wait. But I'll be waiting excitedly.
It was a beautiful experience. To watch the ocean sneak up on the beach and then retreat. Sneaky little ocean. To feel the wind, the salt, the sand, and sunshine soak into my soul all at once was something of a sensitive experience. I felt every part of it and took it for more than I had bargained. I have failed words for the time being and so I leave you with a picture
*This reference was initially to Claire's turtle Max. But...recent events have made him seem not so calm to me anymore. You see I went to visit Steponme one day and we were sitting there and this weird noise was coming from across the couch near Max's tank. So I look over and low and behold there is Max. And what, you may ask, was he doing? Trying to commit suicide. He was standing on his rock trying to climb out of his tank or jump off the rock (with no success, I might add). Silly Max.
The funny thing is every time I watched that moment it always got me thinking about whether or not anger really was useless. I have concluded that yes, it is. Please, someone, tell me the benefits of getting angry. What good does it do anyone?
I would write something about this wonderful weekend/holiday, but turns out I am way ahead of myself...Happy Easter!
Tucker&Amanda, Jordan&Claire, and I went to the Clark's for a very delicious (yummmmm) Easter dinner! Ahhh, I do love that house, but even more so the lovelies that reside there!
You wanna hear the story? Ok. Well I will relay it you as though you could hear my thoughts.
Adri: Mmmmm I would like some hot cereal before I go to bed, that would be delicious and I'll put cinnamon in it and maybe a little nutmeg, maybe some sugar (well sugar substitute).yummmmmm. I think I'll just put the milk on the stove and then go get all ready for bed and then come back up, enjoy, and drift peacefully into a quiet, full bellied, slumber.
She treks up the stairs and puts the pot with the cup of milk on the stove, with it set on high(obviously because it will cook faster). And trounces back down the stairs to get ready for beddy-bye. Getting caught up in the cleaning of her room and preparing for sleep she lays her head down on her soft squishy pillow.
After laying in her bed for a few moments she hears someone come home and stays snuggled in her flannel blanket. "I'm just not in the mood to talk to anyone tonight. I just want to lay here and drift silently into quiet bliss."
(Insert noise of banging pans, windows being flung open, & other panicked movements)
Enter person #2 to come home for the night.
"OHMY GOOOSSHHHH! You guys are gonna burn the house down! What happened? What is this? Why was it left on the stove? Whats going on? Who did this?"
"I don't know what happened I just came home and the whole house was filled with smoke! Let's go get ___ and ____ and see if they know what happened."
(Insert the noise of loud tromping down the stairs)
Adri: What the POO is going on up there?? What are they yelling about? They are always so loud when they come home!" (suddenly the realization of what all the ruckus is about hits her) Ohhhhhhh NO. Oh yes. I left the pot of BOILING/BURNING milk on the stove for a good fifteen minutes. Crapola. That's right. I almost burned the house down. Crap, they're coming to ask if I did it. Ohhhh no. I can't face them, they're angry, I don't want to deal with it. Ok, I'll just fake being asleep. That will work, at least until morning. That way I can formulate a good argument and build a good defense and then, put on my saddest, most guilty face and hope that they forgive me. Ya that's what I'll do.
Roomie #3: ADRI! Were you cooking something?
R #3: Ok well if you were, or something we turned it off. Talk to you in the morning.
Adri: Ok that wasn't that bad. Hopefully I can repair the damage in the morning. Ohhhh I loathe myself. Especially when I do stupid things. Oh, bother.
And that is how it went down my friend. Yes. I almost burned the house down. Ugh. I hate it when I do that. Thus is the excitement of my life.
Last night D.F. and I knocked on the door of the men that were to be the perfect candidates for our little experiment. There were 3 main "deal breakers" that occurred or were manifest throughout the night.
1. Our catalyst who somewhat set up the whole meeting of the four of us SPILLED the beans to them! this obviously will not work. First of all they probably went into it with wrong ideas and expectations. We didn't have the chance to present it to them and therefore didn't have the opportunity to gauge how they would react.
2. One of the guys was definitely NOT as enthusiastic as the other. In order for this to work we have to have them both willing to commit to every condition of the proposition. Such conditions I cannot state so explicitly here but he definitely was not all in.
3. We watched YouTube videos for like 2 HOURS! Don't get me wrong YouTube is a great resource for some hearty laughs and wholesome entertainment, ok maybe just entertainment. But there IS a cap on how many videos you can watch and still have it be a "good time".
Thus we are left with the cloud...of disappointment. And so today we continue the hunt for the perfect guys to fill this position. We have been left wanting.
So as part of the revolution a dear friend (D.F.) of mine and I decided that we didn't want to spend another Valentine's Day with Cary Grant and a spread of our favorite comfort foods. We have pact-ed to find two boys that would comply to being our stand-in boyfriends until February 15th.
This, I do believe is the greatest idea we have come up with since the revolution started. I'll let you know how it plays out over the next week and a half.
I'm so proud to count her as one of my dear friends. I fire dare you to find someone with such a calming voice and as much musical talent as her. Yes, I said fire.
A year ago today this is where I was! In Egypt gazing upon those infamous Pyramids. Of course it is grand to remember but did I let these moments become me as they should have? Did I let them find my heart? Let's certainly hope so, otherwise what a waste of 4 months and thousands of dollars.
Not to worry though, if nothing else I found myself there, let's hope I don't get so lost from now on.
The earth circled the sun, just like every other day. I took a shower like I would every other day. I brushed my teeth, ate breakfast, and washed my face like I would every other day. Although today, through most eyes, would appear like every other day, I knew that it was not.
It was early, before the sunlight had come over the hill to yet again rest on the Holy City. I walked between the stone walls as though they were the paths of the home I left behind. I walked this way because this place had become just that, my home. Realizing I was fantastically alone I began to sing. Most would not react in such a way on any other day, but today was not any other day. Seeing the view I was blessed with, would bring tones of love, remembrance, and praise to the vocal chords of any heart and mouth capable of creating sound.
I believe in Christ, He is my King!
With all my heart, to Him I'll Sing;
I'll raise my voice in praise and joy in grand amens my tongue employ.
An overwhelming confirmation of His life washed over me. I not only felt appreciation for Him and his sacrifice but for my own life. To be grateful that I was given such a wonderful gift. How marvelous is it that I chose to come here. That I wanted to be with my Heavenly Father so badly that I knew what I was putting myself in and I still said, "Send me, I'll do it. I'll make it back. I'm willing to do what it takes. So send me."
Then, the burden of responsibility follows. The obligation to do what I'm here to do. I have tasks to fulfill. Granted if I don't do it, someone else might but my life was designed for my benefit too. I have opportunities waiting for me that if I don't take advantage of, I'll be the one with the greater loss.
I looked up with reaffirmed testimony in my spirit that I know that Christ is alive. He lives, he lives who once was dead. After the agony and the pain and the heartbreak of my death will come greater joy than any could imagine. When the Savior comes again and I am resurrected how great it will be to feel the joy of perfect life.
But then I realized that that isn't it at all. Selfishness is a bad thing and it is something we need to avoid. There is no such thing as a healthy amount of selfishness. Being selfish isn't healthy at all. It is derived from low self-esteem and low self-worth. In thinking that everyone needed to be a little selfish in their lives I was lying to myself to try and justify all the selfish things I've done.
So then how do I define selfishness. In the lexical form of definition I would define it like anyone else would. As the inability to look past oneself and see others needs. In being selfish one doesn't do anything unless it is for the benefit of the one. I would agree with this definition and would even go so far as to say that because selfishness is rooted upon deeper problems such as insecurity of self, that once it becomes habit it will not be easy to break and it is manifest whether on a small or large scale in every aspect of one's life.
*This is the start to a paper I wrote. I couldn't think straight and for some reason writing in here is easier than writing in a word document. and my brain flows better in this thing. weird, I know.