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1.30.2009

1.28.2009

If I forget you...never!


A year ago today this is where I was! In Egypt gazing upon those infamous Pyramids. Of course it is grand to remember but did I let these moments become me as they should have? Did I let them find my heart? Let's certainly hope so, otherwise what a waste of 4 months and thousands of dollars.
Not to worry though, if nothing else I found myself there, let's hope I don't get so lost from now on.

1.20.2009

Easter

A significant experience. Well wouldn't you want to say that your life was a significant experience? Considering that it is such a small blip of time on your eternal radar, the whole thing should be significant. But while you're living here all you see is here. You can never fully understand the magnitude of your existence and therefore do not appreciate this physical, earthly, temporal experience for what it is: significant. I cannot write about my entire earthly life as most of it has not yet been lived. Therefore I will heed to the call to write about a single moment in this grand experience.

The earth circled the sun, just like every other day. I took a shower like I would every other day. I brushed my teeth, ate breakfast, and washed my face like I would every other day. Although today, through most eyes, would appear like every other day, I knew that it was not.

It was early, before the sunlight had come over the hill to yet again rest on the Holy City. I walked between the stone walls as though they were the paths of the home I left behind. I walked this way because this place had become just that, my home. Realizing I was fantastically alone I began to sing. Most would not react in such a way on any other day, but today was not any other day. Seeing the view I was blessed with, would bring tones of love, remembrance, and praise to the vocal chords of any heart and mouth capable of creating sound.

I believe in Christ, He is my King!

With all my heart, to Him I'll Sing;

I'll raise my voice in praise and joy in grand amens my tongue employ.

As I sat and looked out at the city that was the Savior's home for a short period of time, I began to wonder if I knew He was alive. Was that a truth that had been etched into my heart? Was this truth to me? When I declared in song that 'I know my Redeemer lives' did it burn through every fiber of my being? I read from the scriptures the agonizing story of the Savior's Atonement, His death, and then joy warmed my soul as I read of His resurrection. Yes he died, there is no question about it. But even brighter shines the truth that He lives again. He walked from the tomb with life and breath in him as real as the stone beneath my feet. I know that my Redeemer lives. What comfort this sweet sentence gives.

An overwhelming confirmation of His life washed over me. I not only felt appreciation for Him and his sacrifice but for my own life. To be grateful that I was given such a wonderful gift. How marvelous is it that I chose to come here. That I wanted to be with my Heavenly Father so badly that I knew what I was putting myself in and I still said, "Send me, I'll do it. I'll make it back. I'm willing to do what it takes. So send me."

Then, the burden of responsibility follows. The obligation to do what I'm here to do. I have tasks to fulfill. Granted if I don't do it, someone else might but my life was designed for my benefit too. I have opportunities waiting for me that if I don't take advantage of, I'll be the one with the greater loss.

I looked up with reaffirmed testimony in my spirit that I know that Christ is alive. He lives, he lives who once was dead. After the agony and the pain and the heartbreak of my death will come greater joy than any could imagine. When the Savior comes again and I am resurrected how great it will be to feel the joy of perfect life.

1.09.2009

You can look past what people want and need and you can choose...for yourself.

I guess when I started writing this I didn't want to write what everyone else would write. They would discuss how selfishness is an aspect of pride and how its a bad thing and we shouldn't feel it even though as human beings its a feeling that is naturally brought on by the world we live in. So that's why i thought I should write about how we all need to be a little selfish once in a while and its for our own health and how really that is how we are able to take care of others is by putting ourselves first.
But then I realized that that isn't it at all. Selfishness is a bad thing and it is something we need to avoid. There is no such thing as a healthy amount of selfishness. Being selfish isn't healthy at all. It is derived from low self-esteem and low self-worth. In thinking that everyone needed to be a little selfish in their lives I was lying to myself to try and justify all the selfish things I've done.
So then how do I define selfishness. In the lexical form of definition I would define it like anyone else would. As the inability to look past oneself and see others needs. In being selfish one doesn't do anything unless it is for the benefit of the one. I would agree with this definition and would even go so far as to say that because selfishness is rooted upon deeper problems such as insecurity of self, that once it becomes habit it will not be easy to break and it is manifest whether on a small or large scale in every aspect of one's life.

*This is the start to a paper I wrote. I couldn't think straight and for some reason writing in here is easier than writing in a word document. and my brain flows better in this thing. weird, I know.