There are little things that happen each day (sometimes few and far between, but they still happen) that make my insides feel like someone stuck a little flame in there. I guess “warms my heart” would be the phrase I hear most people use but that sounds superficial compared to what I feel.
It’s as if actual heat pumps out of my heart and spreads to my extremities.
It happens when Alice leans in to kiss Tyler.
It happens when Tyler hugs me just a little longer, because he feels what I need.
It happens when Tyler kisses me and that makes Alice laugh.
Her laugh, every time she laughs.
Tyler and Alice have this thing he calls cheek time. She lays her cheek on his and rests there for a while, calm as can be.
It happens when one of us hides and she looks for us.
It also happens when she's super whiney and pulls on my pants until I pick her up.
And it happens when either of them rest their head on me.
It feels like magic. Magic because something so simple made me feel so much. Magic because I am in this life with these two magical beings.
When this magic happens, that little fire lights inside and sears my heart and my mind into paying attention to what is happening.
I sink my mind and my feelings into that moment. It feels like I could pick them up, hold them in my hands and rub them into my skin. When we visited the Dead Sea everyone told us to rub our skin with the mud because it apparently works miracles. We floated and reached down pulling mud from the floor of the sea and rubbed it on our arms, legs, necks and faces. That's what I want to do with this magic. I try to take hold of his smell and comfort and her laughs and smiles and warmth and try to get it to seep into my skin. Because if it is in my skin, it will stay there forever, right?
I guess Brené Brown talks about this in her book(which I haven't read so sorry if this is wrong). She says that we try to revel in moments because our following thought is usually how we would feel if our magic was taken from us. But instead of reveling for the sake of the fear of loss we should revel because we are grateful for the magic.
Instead of being afraid of my magic disappearing, I want to be able to live in it, soak it in and feel grateful that it is mine.
I loved this post! It reminds me of your awareness post which is something I agreed with when I read that and have been being more aware of the present since then. Thank you for this one too. You're awesome!
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